Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 1
- Dad: LOOK THERE HE IS
- Me: Dad, you're really beginning to worry me. It's like all of Tumblr escaped from the internet and took possession of your body. I don't know whether to call an exorcist or the Geek Squad.
- Dad: SHH TOM IS TALKING.
- Me: *facepalm*
- Dad: Wow, he's so different from how he is in The Avengers.
- Me: Yeah.
- Dad: OH NO WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HIM?!
- Me: I've moved on from worry to total fear.
- Later
- Dad: What is their problem?! Why are they all so mean to Loki?
- Me: Well, it's-
- Dad: Because they're all ASSHOLES, that's why.
- Me: ...
- Dad: They oughta call that place Assholegard.
- Me: ...
- Dad: Assholegard: that's where they live.
- Later
- Dad: OH NO LOKI DON'T CRY
- Me: Dad, you are terrifying me.
- Dad: Look how sad he is! HIS WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE AND HE'S SO SAD.
- Me: I regret the day I ever spoke Tom Hiddleston's name in your hearing.
- Dad: How can he look that pretty when he cries? He must be part angel or something.
- Me: Please stop.
- Later
- Dad: Natalie Portman sure is cute.
- Me: *sigh of relief*
- Later
- Dad: OH MY GOD LOKI'S THE KING NOW.
- Me: ...
- Dad: ...Why is he sitting like that?
- Me: I have no flipping idea. That's just how Tom sits. Movies, interviews, whatever, he just splays out like his thighs hate each other.
- Dad: Maybe he's compensating for his tiny ass. Like, the area of contact between his ass and the chair would ordinarily be too small to keep him upright, so he spreads his legs apart in order to stabilize his balance.
- Me: I cannot believe some of the things that come out of your mouth.
Watching 'Thor' with my Dad, part 3
- Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
- Me: Yup.
- Dad: Why?
- Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
- Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
- Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
- Later
- Dad: OH NO
- Me: Calm it down, dad.
- Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
- Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
- Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
- Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
- Dad: You're right.
- Me: Thank you.
- Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
- Later
- Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
- Me: *laugh*
- Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
- Me: *laugh*
- Dad: Loki's a slut.
- Later
- Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
- Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
- Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
- Later
- Loki: I could have done it, father!
- Dad: Oh my god.
- Odin: No, Loki.
- Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
- Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
- Loki: ...
- Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
- Loki: *lets go of the spear*
- Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- Odin: No.
- Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
- Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
- Later
- Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
- Me: ...
- Dad: Assholegard!!!!
- THE END
I just found this gif and I am dying help
OMG! The noise I just made was not human!
I. Can’t. Breathe! XD
(via loki-dokey)
